New year and new beginnings...

I would like to say that I came into this year with all kinds of hopes, dreams, and of course...resolutions, but I didn't. Honestly, I sort of forgot about the whole "New Year's Resolutions" thing I try to do every year, but usually forget about by March...does anyone remember their resolutions for 2007?
I did take the time yesterday to come up with some of these things for this next year. I have actually written them down and hope to keep track of them this year (Does that count as another resolution? I better write that down too!) This process, of course, was only due to the fact that my daily meditation book (which I was playing catch up with) asked some specific questions that really made me think. Some of these questions were:
What would I like to have happen in my life this year?
What particular areas of growth would I like to work on?
What blocks or character defects would I like to have removed?
What decisions would I like to make?
I came to a few conclusions after answering these questions. I need to realize that I do have some control and say in what happens in my life. Granted, there are many things out of my control, which is usually when I find myself having to recite the serenity prayer under my breath. I can still take active steps each week to see that I am pursuing the things I would like to attain in life.
I know that my moods can go up and down and that my recovery is a process, but many times I have seen the warning signs of a slip and felt helpless and hopeless. I know that I can do something during this time, like pick up a phone and call someone, force myself to do the "next right thing", etc. Limiting the impact a depressed mood or relapse has is really the only way I can try to control it (it also helps to stay on my medication...which I struggle with). We all know that actively combating our issues is really hard and takes a great deal of persistence and courage. Of course there is always the "Catch 22" in that what we need to do is most often the hardest thing to bring ourself to do.
I know that is true for me. I don't want to pick up the phone when I am struggling. My perfectionism makes me think I have to pretend everything is okay, no one wants to hear my crap, that someone will think I am whining, that I am weak.
Fighting these negative thoughts that have been so deeply ingrained into my brain is one of the hardest things for me to do...I am my own worst critic.
My hope for myself and for all of my friends is that this next year be filled with more positive thoughts and more positive experiences.
Let's celebrate the fact that we have the ability to make changes and grow.
Cheers!