Adjusting expectations...

Do you ever hold out hope for something? Think that things will change when you know that they really never will? Why do I keep expecting things to be different, why do I deny reality? They say the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results. In that case, I am totally insane, especially when it comes to my family! I keep thinking that somehow things will be different, that my family will be people other than they are, that they will change. Truth is, I can't change anyone, and I certainly can't wait around hoping they will change themselves. I keep looking to them for the love, support, and encouragement that I need in life. Here is where it gets crazy though...there are many people out there in my world that I know beyond a doubt will be there for me. They will offer me love, support, and encouragement...IF I would only reach out to them. Instead, I somehow believe that if the people in the world who are supposed to provide that don't, then somehow I must not deserve it. I must really be bad. I am not worth people putting effort into. Crazy, I know, but that is how my warped thinking starts to get me into trouble. I seek what I cannot have, yet run from what is waiting for me, if only I would turn and see it, reach for it, and embrace it. For all of you who want to be there for me, I am sorry that I shut you out. I know it doesn't make sense, but I want to thank you for understanding that it is a struggle I have, and I know when I do turn towards you, you will be there, thinking "It's about time!"